your own personal quote that was easily recognized as what you would say to soo much and so often. i dont know how many times i would hear that in one conversation with you and yet it never got old at all. ill always remember the times we had together high and sober :/ i just cant grasp it or believe its true still.. you were by far one of the realest people i will ever meet! all i can think of is all the good times we had together and shared and our deep conversations in cowans class while we cheated of the smart girls for every test and homework. ill always remember you telling me that i was just like you in the way that i get bored with things after a while and need to move “onto the next” lol so many meanings behind that and everything is still true except for a couple lol the snow trips with steven and danny to bear valley hot boxing the car all the way there and then coming up with the brilliant idea to throw a blanket over us and hot box the blanket and see who got the biggest smoke cloud even though we were to blown to judge who won. from heart to hearts to talkin bout our cars was an everyday thing when it came to the classes we had together and outside. you will be missed soo much by soo many people! open the gates for us all and keep an eye out for us bro we love you and miss you!
REST IN PEACE
WHAT THE HECK!
feel like im going to lose my best friend over this. i hope im completely wrong!! i would love to be wrong right now!
I hope that everything works itself out so we can come together again. i really do. but if for some reason it doesnt. I will always care for you so much and always be there for you, and will always love you and nothing will ever change that! i feel like the lowest i can ever get and feel like complete shit when all im doing is trying to make things work out later and i just stuck with your decision so why do i feel like the horrible one? no sleeping tonight i know that much. why does it feel like the right thing for me to do right now is the wrong thing to do.
“And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe”
I will always be thinking of you. and im always here so call me.anytime.
who am i..really? i see the reflection and i see how i look but i always ask myself when i see my self.
WHO AM I…REALLY?
It’s definitely 4:25am and I cannot sleep for the thousandth night in a row! I seriously am about to kill myself I hate not having any insurance to be able to go to the doctors!! I literally have a list of shit I need to go to the doctors about like my asthma is getting worse and i need a new inhaler but can’t.. I need to get SOMETHING for my god damn insomnia its getting horrible! ambien, vicoden anything so i can get back onto a normal sleep schedule because what I’m on now is fucking ridiculous. Well looks like I’m stuck with my regular fix of NyQuil or Tylenol PM unless i can find someone to get me some real pills. SUCKS!! I gotta figure something out for all of this because its slowly killing me. well i guess ill trying falling asleep for another 2 hours..yay me right …fuck it.
So I’m sitting here its damn near 3 in the morning and i cant sleep i have so much going through my head and i just cant stop thinking about it. I have to make the biggest decision of my life and its killing me. I have all these reasons to go and believe in myself that i can do it but on the other hand i have a lot of reasons to also stay here and try to figure something out here. At first I knew this decision was going to be hard but i didn’t know it would come to this level of it constantly being on my mind. 4 years is a long time and lot can happen within that time. I’ve come to the realization that I’m not afraid of leaving I’m just afraid of leaving everyone else that’s here at home. I know i still have a lot to think about but i know i just have to take my time with everything and make the right decision for me, I’m talking to as many people as i know to get different perspectives of things and how life is.. can i adjust to that…? talking to the mom and girlfriend tomorrow should be interesting but well see how it goes and what comes up.. i wish i just knew what i wanted to do..so many pros and cons for each side that it sucks that i cant outweigh one for the 1st time in…ever! here’s to one of many late nights of thinking, sleep deprivation and writing to myself on here. well at least maybe it will help. to add some humor to my torture….
To become a Marine or not to become a Marine..? that’s my problematic question!
to be continued……..
So its 3:00 in the morning and I’m still wide awake like always. Today was all around an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Started off with going to my cousins funeral which ended up being a very well put together funeral and was very nice. I choked up a few times from trying not to cry. The service at the church was very good and then going to his burial and back to the church for the reception. He was a very popular and well liked guy which was obvious he impacted so many peoples lives and inspired others to do the best they can whenever they can. After went up to my lovers house haha.. shes all sick so i got to take care of her all day got a new jacket and came home a couple hours ago and now I’m here. Having days like today really make you think about your own life and whats important to you and makes you reflect on how your living it, also about people you have already lost. I have a handful of people I’ve lost but in the end its all made me stronger and made me live to be a better person.
ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THINGS NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS AND ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LEARN FROM EVERYTHING YOU DO, GOOD OR BAD. IT’S YOUR LIFE AND YOU MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES, BUT ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE SO MAKE THE BEST OUT OF WHAT YOU HAVE, DO THE BEST YOU CAN, AND BE HUMBLE; ITS A GOOD TRAIT TO HAVE.
Family, Friends and Faith. MATT